


i love it when you look my way

by dragonair



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Captain Yamaguchi Tadashi, Character Study, Gen, Getting Together, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Humor, Karasuno Volleyball Club - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25391887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonair/pseuds/dragonair
Summary: Tadashi is a patient captain.Too patient for his own good, probably, because he already has to put up with a lot of shit from his teammates.When Tsukishima's involved, it's a little easier.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yamaguchi Tadashi & Karasuno Volleyball Club
Comments: 13
Kudos: 222





	i love it when you look my way

**Author's Note:**

> working title for this was "[sasuke knocks over cup of water] is nothing easy?" based on [this](https://66.media.tumblr.com/e295092d5f7d8333e41cc454965fb37b/tumblr_inline_p7joz8Z2vG1rt5ejw_500.gifv) meme but i decided against it

It’s only been a couple weeks of practice, but Tadashi thinks he’ll be a patient captain. 

Too patient for his own good, probably, because he already has to put up with a lot of shit from his teammates. Not losing his cool in front of everyone who’s supposed to look up to him is a virtue he’d stood behind from the start, since he’d been hand-picked by Ennoshita and the rest of his upperclassmen - and he has a hunch it’ll be the key to advancing farther in the Nationals tournament than ever before this year.

_It’s to set a good example for the underclassmen,_ he tells himself, every time things inevitably get out of hand during practice. He tries to channel Ennoshita’s energy, or maybe even Daichi’s. Tsukki says it’s working on them. _Showing them what to do is more helpful than hoping they’ll learn what_ not _to do via osmosis._

But that’s much easier said than done, especially when the other team members from his year are involved. 

_Oh, Tadashi… what have you gotten yourself into now?_

. . .

It’s like Tadashi’s teammates will start out volleyball practice doing completely _normal_ things, and then he’ll turn around for a second and they’ll be making some of the most brainless decisions he’s ever seen in his life. 

“Send it to me, Kageyama!” Hinata cries out of a relative quiet moment, sprinting full speed down the court and bending his knees, preparing to get into a spiking position. 

And - to be honest - that’s _fine_ with Tadashi. If Coach Ukai had had a problem with it, it would’ve been a different story, but he has other plans with the first years and Tsukki (something about needing him for blocking training? But Tsukki’s never really been a big fan of the underclassmen anyway, and Tadashi does miss him… Oh well, poor Tsukki). 

It’s not exactly uncharacteristic of Kageyama and Hinata to start spiking during practice, nor is it as if they’re in the middle of an important drill or anything. Tadashi doesn’t want to control them completely, at every moment - because in many ways, they’re his equals. And enforcing rules for them every waking moment of practice is not what being a proper captain is. 

What’s _not_ fine with Tadashi, however, is the next thing that Hinata does. There are almost no words for how _not fine_ it is, in fact, and it seems to happen in slow motion, which makes witnessing it all the more aggravating for Tadashi.

Hinata spins 180 degrees on his ankle, now facing the back of the court. Then, he springs up, twisting his right arm sideways to hit a cross-shot down the right side of the opposing court that will absolutely _not_ be legal in any of the games they’ll be playing for any of Karasuno’s tournaments this year. 

“Nice!” Hinata shouts, as though that’s what he _intended_ to do, nodding vigorously at Kageyama. Kageyama nods back, clearly unaffected by the _risk_ of Hinata’s last move. “Now ten more!” 

“ _Oh no, you don’t_ ,” Tadashi says, captain-voice in full effect, and already halfway across the gym from where he’d first witnessed their stunt. Moving on impulse, and without realizing it, was a skill Tadashi had only acquired as part of his captainly duties, he thinks. “What the hell was that, Hinata?” 

Hinata sees Tadashi and visibly deflates. 

“Oh. Hey, Yamaguchi. So... you’re gonna tell us to stop, huh?”

Tadashi fights the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. He doesn’t want to look _too_ frustrated with them, after all - it’s still not like he’s trying to enforce too much of a power dynamic between him and the people he’s known and respected for two and a half years. 

But, _still._ If Hinata pulls that again, Karasuno could be down a key member. And what advantage would that give them, anyway? They’re trying to win Nationals, not... get recruited into the circus!

“Hinata,” Tadashi says, holding him by the shoulders. Hinata is a bit tense and unresponsive, so Tadashi takes a deep breath, hoping that Hinata will catch on. “Aren’t you serious about going pro?”

“ _Yes?_ Which is why I wan-”

“If you’re really serious,” Tadashi continues, seizing up on his grip on Hinata’s shoulders. He does his best to channel Daichi’s intimidating aura, and judging by the chill that goes down Hinata’s body, it works. “You’ll stop acting like a clown.”

Feeling as though he’d gotten his message across, Tadashi opts not to wait for Hinata’s response. 

Practice resumes as normal.

. . . 

Things get a bit better in the following weeks, although Tadashi swears he had never _really_ lost control of anything in the first place. 

The first years start integrating with the upperclassmen more during practice, and they’re doing well enough. None of them are really first-string material, but that’s okay - neither was Tadashi, at that age, and each year Karasuno seems to be getting more competitive as is. 

Tadashi still has his grip on the second years and his fellow third years, he thinks. He only uses his _captain voice_ for show sometimes, and hardly ever needs to use Daichi and Ennoshita’s Certified Emergency Captain Tactics for real, after Hinata’s incident. 

There’s always the issue of Tsukki, who Coach Ukai likes to use as an example for the first years, and hasn’t been through an actual practice in weeks. The old Tsukki would have been all too happy with less work for himself, but Tadashi’s not so sure that still holds true.

It’s almost like Tsukki is… allergic to leadership roles? He’s all frowns and grimaces near the freshmen, and he stands at least ten feet away from them at all times, when he can help it - which is even worse than when they were first years! It’s almost to the point where Tadashi can imagine the two of them walking home after practice one day, and Tsukki breaking out into hives, or something, from the amount of overexposure he must be getting from them.

As catastrophic as that may sound, though, it’s only one small bump in the road. Tsukki will live. He’ll have to build immunity eventually, just like Tadashi did with his cat allergy he’d had at age five and then never again. Maybe Tadashi could even help him out with that - they spend lots of time together already, it probably wouldn’t hurt for them to talk a bit more about this. 

And other than that, it’s all coming together quite nicely, Tadashi thinks. 

  
  


. . . 

Tadashi would like to take back anything he’s ever said about anything being _“just fine”_ in his entire life.

Because he and Yachi had been out for, what, eleven minutes?

Only to be met with what could quite possibly be the _worst case scenario_ for Yamaguchi’s career as captain.

“Oh my god,” says Yachi, dropping the box of team jackets she’d been carrying from the office onto the gym floor. Honestly, Tadashi would’ve done the same, had the scene before him not prompted his hands to grip onto whatever was closest to them as tightly as possible. 

Firstly - the volleyball equipment is strewn across the floor. Not the worst thing he’s ever seen, but certainly not pleasant, knowing that Tadashi will probably have to be the one to clean it up the majority of it. (And Tsukki too - this time, Tadashi will make him help out, so Yachi can take an afternoon off for once.)

What’s more concerning isn’t so much of what’s in the room as it is what _isn’t_ in the room. Most notably - all of the other teammates.

Including Kageyama, who Tadashi had _specifically_ told to run practice for the eleven minutes that he’d be gone. Which, of course, Tadashi knows was his first mistake - he should’ve told Tsukki to do it, or even sent one of the second years on the errand - but still! He’d only let his guard down for a few minutes, how could the bar possibly be _this_ low for a _nationally ranking team_? 

Coach Ukai is gonna _kill_ him, once he gets back from his job.

“Where could they have gone?” Yachi starts, panic fringing the edges of her voice. It’s been a while since Tadashi has heard her like this - he still has to remind himself, sometimes, that she’s grown up a lot since their first year. “Oh my god, could they have ran away? Or… worse? Maybe they were kidnapped!” 

Tadashi shakes his head, pulling his phone out from his pocket. No messages, not even from Tsukki. He frowns. 

“They’re probably off doing something stupid somewhere.” But… he still can’t believe they’ve ruined things this much, this quickly. “C’mon, let’s go. They can’t be too far.” 

Tadashi’s hunch is correct, but perhaps it should’ve never been classified as a ‘hunch’ in the first place. 

After all, there are only a handful of places a group of teenage volleyball-obsessed boys could escape to within eleven minutes of being in the gym. And although their location was somewhat obvious, Tadashi hadn’t imagined he’d find them _this_ quickly. 

The first person Tadashi sees is, thankfully, Tsukki - who’s standing in front of the boys’ volleyball locker room. Tadashi and Yachi are still on the ground level, so Tadashi can see that Tsukki’s position partially obscures a crowd of their other teammates, who appear to be huddling toward the center of the locker room for… probably stupid reasons. 

“Tsukki!” Tadashi calls. 

Tsukki sees him, and offers a halfhearted wave alongside an eye roll that makes Tadashi’s stomach do an ungraceful little belly flop. It’s like they’re sharing a little secret, or something, which is cute! Except… right now, it’s absolutely not cute, because Tadashi has no idea what the _hell_ is going on and Tsukki is being entirely unhelpful.

“What the hell are they doing? We need to get back to the gym, right now!” 

Tsukki shrugs, as if to say _I don’t know what they’re doing either,_ offering Tadashi a pitiful look before turning toward the inside of the locker room.

“Captain Yamaguchi wants to know what the fuck you guys are doing.”

He’s about to correct Tsukki, say that he didn’t actually say _fuck_ , but… okay, yes, maybe that’s exactly what he meant. Whatever will instill enough urgency into the underclassmen for them to get back to the gym in the shortest amount of time. 

And well, it… works? Each of them file out of the locker room within a few seconds, and Tadashi releases a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. Tadashi sends Yachi to lead the way back to the gym, while he heads upstairs to the locker room to meet with Tsukki, in case there are any stragglers. 

And… maybe so he can talk to Tsukki some more, maybe ask him how to make people’s stomachs do the little belly flop thing, but that’s beside the point!

“Kageyama and Hinata aren’t here,” Tsukki says once Tadashi gets upstairs, before he can even _breathe_ , let alone ask what the underclassmen were doing in the locker room in the first place _._ “They ran off as soon as you left.”

The groan Tadashi lets out then might have been detectable from outer space. 

. . . 

Alright, so maybe things aren’t as terrible as Tadashi thought.

Tadashi thankfully finds Kageyama and Hinata not too far from the rest of them, practicing their receives out on the lawn. Which is something they absolutely _could have been doing inside all along_ , and Tadashi reminds them of that _._ It would’ve saved Tadashi the heart attack, for sure, and maybe even delayed his first few gray hairs from growing in. 

He sends the two of them back to the gym with another _captain voice_ appearance, and for the most part, the practice resumes as normal. The underclassmen even help out a bit with cleaning up the volleyball equipment on the floor - and everything seems normal enough, by the time Coach Ukai gets back to campus.

Ukai even gives Tadashi a pat on the back, along with a “nice work, Cap,” that Tadashi can’t help but feel proud of himself for.

Once practice ends for the day, Tadashi waits until everyone but Tsukki has left before gloating.

“Yachi and I were _so_ freaked out, Tsukki! And somehow… we figured it out? In like, two minutes?” Tadashi feels his smile turn into a beam as Tsukki’s smirk grows softer. _There go the belly flops again_ , Tadashi notes, pushing them away for a moment until he can actually think them through. “What were they even doing in here, anyway?”

Tsukki snorts, still gathering all of his volleyball equipment into his bag, before tapping Tadashi’s shoulder and pointing toward the back of the room. 

“They were actually looking at all the team photos from the past two years.”

Tadashi frowns. Tsukki’s finger is still on his shoulder. “But they’ve been up since the beginning of the year? Why now?”

“Beats me,” Tsukki supplies, moving his hand away, “but I think they were looking at the pictures of you in particular.” 

_Well, that’s hardly…_ Tadashi’s frown deepens. Tadashi had been curious about the former third years, too, when he was a freshman, but there’s only so much you can really get from a photograph. And it’s not like Tadashi has changed much, anyway, since then.

“You’ve changed a lot, even if you don’t realize it,” Tsukki says, apparently reading his mind. Something about his tone is soft, fond. It’s sudden, Tadashi thinks, but if he trusts anyone to notice these things about him, it’s Tsukki. “They were surprised, because they thought you were always exactly like you are now.”

Tadashi releases a short, breathy laugh. “That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“Still, I think it’s a good change.”

Smiling to himself, Tadashi does his best to hide the euphoric feeling that surges through his stomach. If the earlier feeling was a belly flop, maybe this feeling is… synchronized swimming? 

“Thanks, Tsukki.”

As interesting as they might be, Tadashi’s had about enough of the swimmers in his stomach this afternoon, euphoric or not. Once he locks things up for the night, he needs to get a good night’s rest. 

. . . 

Well, Tadashi _thought_ he had been getting eight hours of sleep, but that must not be true - because when the next practice starts, he’s clearly hallucinating.

Why else would he be seeing Tanaka and Nishinoya in the gym?

“Bet you can’t receive _this_ !” Hinata cries, before sending one of Kageyama’s sets flying across the court. His shot is aimed directly at hallucination-Nishinoya, who Tadashi must subconsciously remember _really_ well, because the lunge that he takes to dig Hinata’s spike looks more lifelike than anything Yamaguchi’s ever passively imagined in his life.

“Let’s wrap this up,” Tadashi says, walking straight toward them, because _hallucinations, duh,_ before nearly getting pelted in the face by Nishinoya’s receive. Luckily, Tadashi ducks just in time, and the ball hits his shoulder instead.

Well _that_ was much harder than a hallucination volleyball ought to feel. 

From across the room, Tsukki starts to rush over, eyes wide and panicked, but Tadashi waves dismissively and flashes him a thumbs up.

_Aw, I looked so cool!_

There’s not much time for him to think about his and Tsukki’s exchange, though, because Hallucination-Nishinoya bounds over at the speed of lightning. 

“ _Shit,_ Yamaguchi - did that hit you? Are you okay? What were you just standing there for, anyway?”

Is it just him, or is Hallucination-Nishinoya more polite than Tadashi remembered? Oh, well - it’s not like he’ll be around much longer, anyway. And with tournaments coming up, they need to get started with practice for the day as soon as possible, hallucination alumni present or not!

“We need to get started with practice,” Tadashi calls out to no one in particular, because he knows he won’t hear the end of it if he speaks to a sleep-induced hallucination. For what it’s worth, though, he’s tickled by Hallucination-Nishinoya’s kindness. “Everyone, laps around the gym! Let’s go!” 

Although hesitantly, the rest of the team starts dutifully running their laps. Tsukki lingers behind, and Tadashi is about to break into a jog to join him, when a hand grips tightly around his elbow.

“Whoaaa, Yamaguchi! Take it easy!” Hallucination-Tanaka says, steadying him. He’s… surprisingly solid, for a hallucination, and for the first time it dawns on Tadashi that maybe he hadn’t been imagining them all along. “I know being captain is stressful, but geez! You’re stiffer than Daichi on a bad day. And a ‘ _hello, senpai!’_ would’ve been nice!” 

Tadashi looks him up and down, eyes training on the hand around his arm. He sighs once he realizes that Tanaka is in fact, _real,_ and that he and Nishinoya really are visiting Karasuno for the day.

It’s nice to see them again, but… really? They couldn’t have told him about their plans to visit beforehand? Now he has to figure out how they can help out at practice while still not foiling their entire routine, and the _tournament_ is coming up soon, they don’t have especially much time to waste on catching up with old friends. 

“A little notice would’ve been nice, too,” Tadashi says, nudging Tanaka’s arm off of his elbow. “I wasn’t exactly expecting you guys to show up. And don’t you have, I don’t know, responsibilities? Adult things to be doing right now?”

Tanaka grins. “Nope! No responsibilities, no plans! Not a single adult thing for us to do today!”

Tadashi frowns. Tanaka sounds a bit too satisfied with having absolutely nothing to do. 

“Also, we told Hinata!” says Not-Hallucination-Nishinoya, bouncing up and down with the vitality of a baby kangaroo. (Tadashi wishes he could take credit for the comparison, but Tsukki told him that, once.) Tadashi still has no idea where people like Noya and Tanaka and Hinata get their energy from, and it’s not exactly a welcome distraction, today. “He said you’d be fine with it.” 

Of _course_ they did. Hinata wouldn’t have said anything about that… but also, seriously? Hinata? Why would they tell Hinata, and not Tadashi! He’s the _captain_ _of the team!_

“ _Hinata_ ’s not the captain. I am, and I’m telling you that we need to focus today. The Spring tournament is right around the corner, and we’re nowhere near ready.”

Tanaka and Nishinoya share an empty glance before their expressions turn fiendish. 

“So what I’m hearing is,” Tanaka starts, draping an arm across Tadashi’s shoulder. Tadashi would tell him to knock it off, if he weren’t so tired. “You need the help of your old upperclassmen to get them into shape? Why didn’t you say so sooner!” 

“I didn’t say th-”

But it’s already too late. Nishinoya and Tanaka break out into a sprint, chasing the cluster of poor first years on their heels. 

Well, Tadashi thinks, at least they’re helping. He supposes that it’s not the worst thing in the world, if they stay awhile.

. . . 

  
  


The first tournament starts, and they do well.

Tadashi still thinks of himself as patient and reliable during games, even if he loses his cool every once and a while during practice. The extra help they got from Tanaka and Nishinoya actually paid off, especially with their receives - it had actually taken a lot of pressure off, not having to worry about being the only wing spiker capable enough to send a receive overhead to Kageyama.

Tsukki does especially well in the tournament, even if he wasn’t getting as much extra help from his former upperclassmen. Tadashi thinks he’s grown a lot too, even if his outward personality has stayed mostly the same since they were young. 

There are times when Tadashi wishes he could just take some time off from being captain, from being the center of this volleyball team that gives him so much stress and anxiety. Maybe then he’d be able to process how he really feels, about everything and about Tsukki.

But Tadashi did sign up for this, and there’s no going back unless he pushes his feelings down. Tsukki, as always, is there to help out with team matters. As are Yachi, Kageyama, and Hinata, even the second years - but some responsibilities only Tadashi can take on. 

If the first few months of captain experience has taught Tadashi anything, it’s that he can’t expect to be prepared for _anything._ He understands now why Ennoshita and Daichi were so stressed out all of the time - knowing that chaos could materialize from anywhere, at anytime makes his constant sense of anxiety feel all the more real and warranted.

But it’s always worse when the chaos comes from an angle that Tadashi expects least of all. 

. . . 

  
  


It’s an understatement to say that Tadashi expects good things from Yachi.

Honestly, _everyone_ expects good things from Yachi. She’s ridiculously talented at everything she does, and follows through on all of her plans. Despite her anxiety, she holds herself accountable for her responsibilities, and she’s definitely a big part of the reason why Karasuno is as strong of a competitor as it is in official tournaments. 

So Tadashi could never be _mad_ at Yachi. Honestly, he’d like to put everyone who does get genuinely mad at Yachi on a hitlist of some sort, which he may or may not follow through with depending on how much his year as captain corrupts his anti-murder morals. Ultimately, when it comes to pretty much anything, Tadashi thinks he’ll side with Yachi on everything he possibly can.

Tadashi hadn’t thought he’d run into an exception, but his experiences as captain keep on presenting him with surprise after surprise - and maybe, just maybe he should have seen something like this coming, if only because Tadashi had never expected Yachi to do anything like this at all.

“Um, surprise?” Yachi says, leaning on one foot. Her lip is wobbly; she looks more like her freshman self than she has anytime this entire school year. “I was gonna tell you, but I forgot! I hope this isn’t too much trouble?”

And under most circumstances, Tadashi would grin and bear it. It’s for Yachi, after all, and he’d have to be a monster to get genuinely mad at her. 

That’s what he thought, anyway - but he comes dangerously close to losing every ounce of composure he’s built up the past few months as captain when he sees a veritable _horde of small children_ in the middle of their gym, twelve minutes before practice is supposed to start. 

_Where the hell did they_ _come from?_

Tadashi takes a deep breath. If Yachi invited them over, they’re surely not _random_ children. They’re probably from a school, visiting Karasuno High School and stopping by just to see the gym up close. Which means… there ought to be a chaperone, right?

….right?

He scans the gym one more time. There are… perhaps, twelve children? Or maybe it’s more like fifteen of them? None of them look older than ten, some of them huddled together in clusters of threes and fours, and a couple of them running around the gym in shoes that they should not be wearing. 

But alas, there’s no adult in sight. 

Which is concerning, to say the least!  
  


“Yachi, where are their _parents_?” 

She perks up, seemingly eager to answer a simple question despite the dire situation in front of her. _What’s not clicking, Yachi?_

“They’re part of an after-school program that a friend of Takeda-sensei runs. He said that he’d take them by someday a couple of months ago, but he never said what day. And so they just kind of… showed up, so I let them in!” 

Tadashi lets out a sigh. So they’re _really_ not random children after all, which is a relief. And he also doesn’t have to explode at Yachi and subsequently get added to his own hitlist, because this doesn’t actually sound like her fault. But still… that doesn’t answer the question of where the chaperone is! 

“So where is he? Takeda-sensei’s friend?”

“Um, about that. I kind of... don’t know? He wasn’t with the students when they came over.” 

Is she… serious? Did this guy really just leave his students here, hoping that a bunch of already immature high school students would just watch over them? Is leaving children unattended not the last thing a chaperone ever should do?

“We should call Takeda-sensei,” a voice Tadashi knows as Tsukki’s says as he materializes behind Tadashi and Yachi.

Tadashi might recognize it, at first, but that doesn’t mean he’s any less surprised. Nor does it mean that he can control himself from jumping a good foot and a half away in shock. Yachi and Tsukki both stare at him, eyebrows raised. 

  
Wasn’t Yachi always easy to startle, when they were freshmen? He expects it from Tsukki, but how dare she judge him, betray him like this! What happened, what changed? 

“Tsukki!” Tadashi says, clutching a hand over his chest. “You surprised me!” 

Tsukki chuckles, amused, and sets a hand down on Tadashi’s shoulder to steady him. A weaker Tadashi might have blushed at Tsukki’s laugh, at his touch, but he’s stronger now. He… thinks? 

“Always a pleasure, Tadashi.” 

Before Tadashi can accurately come to any more conclusions about how Tsukki makes him feel, Tsukki scans the room, assessing the situation that - oh right, they _really_ should be focusing on right now. 

“Takeda-sensei will know what to do. I’ll go get him. You guys stay here and watch the kids,” he says. He furrows his brow. “And _do not_ let Hinata, or Kageyama, or anyone else in here. They’re too much of a wild card.” 

Tadashi grins, flashing a thumbs up between him and Yachi. “On it, Tsukki!” 

“You can count on us!” Yachi adds. 

Tsukki smirks, already running to the teacher’s offices. 

Despite the situation, Tadashi feels… warm. It’s really nice, to have someone like Tsukki, who knows Tadashi so well, to help out when things get especially tough.

. . .

As with most issues that Tadashi has dealt with since the beginning of their third year, the issue of the chaperone-less children in the Karasuno gym resolves itself quite easily once Takeda-sensei gets involved. 

Their chaperone had been catching up with some other teacher friends, at the time, and the gym had been open, so he’d just left them all in there on their own. Not the best strategy, admittedly, for a group of elementary schoolers, but they hadn’t been alone for long. 

It was certainly a good thing that Tadashi, Yachi, and Tsukki were the first ones to arrive at the gym - Tadashi’s not sure what would’ve happened, otherwise. He’d like to think that the other members of his team have enough sense so as to not put them in danger, but…

Okay, he’d rather not get his hopes up for them. 

Other than that, though - there’s been something else on Tadashi’s mind. 

Tadashi had always thought that he needed to think through his feelings for Tsukki, before he really understood them. They were too big, too confusing for him to actually process while he worked through one of the most stressful years of his life.

The more time he spent delaying it, though, the more apparent it became that liking Tsukki wasn’t actually something Tadashi had to think about at all.

Whether it was on the court, or in the locker room, or on the way home from school after practice - they understood each other. 

But as the volleyball season progresses to its peak, there’s increasingly less room for these feelings, no matter how intuitive they may be for Tadashi.

So Tadashi decides to concern himself with more pressing things.

Like… next year. Picking a captain for next year won’t be an easy decision to make. No one’s really a standout player, nor a standout leader. At the same time, though, there’s too much at stake for him to make a terrible choice. 

Whether or not next year is a bigger distraction, or his feelings for Tsukki is - Tadashi certainly has his work cut out for him.

  
  


. . . 

They don’t get many days off from practice. 

Tadashi has always wondered why Karasuno hasn’t started implementing a schedule like Aoba Johsai’s - where they have one day off, each week, to recuperate from all the physical and mental stress they’ve put themselves through the rest of the days. Now that he’s captain, he might be able to bring it up to Ukai without risking a death glare, or a lap of flying-falls penalty. 

(Seriously, Tadashi hates those, even if he sort of understands why Ennoshita found joy in making the freshmen do them every once and awhile.) 

But on those days that Tadashi does get off from practice, like today, he spends time at Tsukki’s house.

It’s familiar enough to be his own home, even if the responsibilities he’s had the past couple of months have prevented him from going very often. Tsukki’s house is always calm, always quiet enough for Tadashi to actually hear his own thoughts. 

Today, Tsukki’s mother is still at work, and Akiteru isn’t home, either - which means that Tadashi and Tsukki are home alone. Together. For the first time since Tadashi has actually fully realized he has feelings for Tsukki.

Yeah, maybe the whole _‘Tadashi can actually process his own thoughts for once’_ thing isn’t the best situation to be in right this moment. 

But - if Tadashi has learned anything from his two months of being a captain, it’s that he needs to be patient; patient with himself just as much as he is with the rest of his team, including Tsukki. They’ve been friends since they were little, and they’re still going strong - they can hang out as friends for one afternoon, can they not?

Tadashi certainly hopes so. 

“I’m starting with Calculus,” Tsukki says, materializing in the doorway with his textbook. He sets it down on his bed before sitting down himself, setting out his calculator and notes. 

Tadashi grins from his spot at Tsukki’s desk. He knows that Tsukki prefers doing his homework at his desk, but Tadashi’s brain threatens to short circuit at the thought of sitting anywhere nearer Tsukki’s bed, so. 

But still - it’s unlike Tsukki not to finish his homework in class. “You didn’t finish your homework in class today?” 

“Shut up,” says Tsukki, but he’s smiling. “I knew we’d have more time after school today.” 

“Sure sure, Tsukki.” 

Tsukki snorts.

Tadashi’s smile strains his cheeks as he pulls out his Physics textbook from his backpack and sets it onto Tsukki’s desk. Their back and forth is comfortable, familiar. It’s the same as it’s always been, no matter where they’ve gone, and Tadashi is thankful for it, especially when everything at school has changed them so much. 

They’re about three hours into their studying when Tadashi feels the fatigue finally get the better of him. 

It doesn’t make sense, really - with practices usually going so late every day, they’re used to staying up much, much later. But as with the stress and responsibilities Tadashi has accumulated since the beginning of the year, fatigue amasses in Tadashi’s limbs and threatens never to let go. 

Unless, maybe, he gets some sleep. Being so comfortable at Tsukki’s house, in Tsukki’s space makes it easy, but he doubts Tsukki would want him to sleep over unannounced. 

So Tadashi powers through his yawn and attempts to gather his things. “‘m gonna head home, Tsukki. See ya in the mooornigngn…” 

“Tadashi?”

Tadashi vaguely hears Tsukki shift from his bed, followed by rustling of papers and books. Tadashi knows he needs to be at least somewhat awake to walk back home, but the lethargy is possessing him. Oh, well. Maybe a few minute-long nap wouldn’t hurt - Tsukki could wake him up whenever he wanted, anyway…

Apparently, Tsukki wants Tadashi awake _now,_ because moments later he’s lifting Tadashi off of the desk chair.

“ _Tsukki?_ ” Tadashi blurts suddenly - which is something Tadashi absolutely should not do when someone is carrying him like a princess, because they’re bound to drop him onto the floor.

But Tsukki’s always been quick with his reflexes, and after he whispers a very graceful “fuck” under his breath, he grips behind Tadashi’s knees and shoulders, walking a few steps before setting Tadashi down onto the bed.

It would’ve been perfect, _romantic_ even, if only Tadashi hadn’t broken out of his delirious haze. 

“Uh. What are you doing?”

“...setting you down in my bed?”

_Huh._ Tadashi’s not sure what to make of that.

Tsukki pulls the desk chair over to the side of his bed. They’re almost at eye level with each other; he sits down and shrugs. “You were about to fall asleep, so…” 

“Ah, and you wanted the desk.”

“I also wanted you to _sleep,_ Tadashi.” 

“Well I’m awake. Now.” 

“Yeah… yeah, I guess you are.” 

Tadashi glances around the room from his new, more comfortable angle. It’s not the first time he’s sat in Tsukki’s bed, but something feels different, now. Maybe it’s the years catching up to them, of knowing they’re too old to be sleeping in the same bed, even if they’re not both in it at the same time. Maybe it’s Tadashi’s realization that what he feels for Tsukki is probably the greatest romantic love he could ever feel, or maybe…

It’s how Tsukki looks at Tadashi right now.

He’s smiling, but only barely so. His eyes, trained on Tadashi behind glinting glass seem… quiet, but unsettled. And his hands… they absently crawl to Tadashi’s sides - as if Tsukki would like to inch them even closer. 

The captain-voice in Tadashi’s heart tells him to ignore it; Tadashi needs the rest, and any false assumption he makes about Tsukki right now could lead to the destruction of their team, of the trust they’ve built.

But at the same time, Tadashi knows Tsukki well enough to know that he can afford to be a little impatient, this time.

And it’s only because Tadashi is used to reading Tsukki, just like this, that he can lean forward, and take Tsukki’s hand. 

Tadashi sits up before Tsukki can fully react, running his fingers up and down the side of Tsukki’s palm. His other hand connects with the back of Tsukki’s shoulder, and propels Tadashi forward enough to bring themselves face to face.

“Tsukki can I… can I kiss you, right now?”

Tsukki looks Tadashi up and down. There’s some uncertainty in his expression - as though he’s still not convinced that Tadashi’s fully awake - but still, he smiles. 

“Please, Tadashi.” 

Tadashi doesn’t need to be told twice.

Warmth surges through Tadashi’s middle as he presses their lips together for the first time.

He’s certain it’s nowhere near the last. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> busted this out in approximately 20 hours... i am in pain <3
> 
> big thank you to kieran, lexi, and kris for beta-ing for me! also thank you to kieran for the title :}
> 
> my twitter is now [here](https://twitter.com/ciaudeleth).


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